Big Ships of the Navy
by Her Sweetness
Summary: [Oneshot!] [Early birthday fic for Kaiba!] All Seto wanted was some sleep. But everyone knows and wants to wish him happy birthday! What's a tired CEO to do?


Her Sweetness: This is just an early gift to commemorate Kaiba's birthday! Hope everyone enjoys it!

* * *

The rain outside the large mansion dripped in a melodic rhythm. It had been raining since earlier in the night, around eleven o' clock, but a tired and very busy CEO worked through it. He'd only gotten into bed at around six o' clock that morning and was planning to sleep in the rest of the day.

A blue comforter shifted on a king-size bed in Kaiba's bedroom. He turned over in his sleep and snuggled further under the covers, the rain's pattern acting as a lullaby. And just as Kaiba was finishing the most wonderful dream about President Bush being assassinated, he was interrupted.

_Ring, Ring, Ring…_

"Hey? What the? Whose there?" He sat up, startled, and looked over at the Blue Eyes phone jiggling on his nightstand. "…" Frowning, he picked it up.

"Who is it and what do you want?"

"Happy birthday!" Came a voice from the other line. Too cheery for Kaiba's tastes and much too early. It wasn't even noon. And what were they talking about? Birthday? He- Oh. Kaiba looked across the room to his Big Ships of the Navy Calendar, and looked past all the crossed out dates. It was October 25th.

"Listen," Kaiba grumbled into the receiver, "Whoever you are, it's too early for birthdays. So leave me alone."

"Aw, c'mon, Kaiba. Don't be a grouch. And don't act like you don't know who it is! It's me! Yugi!"

"… I don't care."

"Did Mokuba give you an uber cool birthday surprise?" Yugi asked, not paying attention to the unhappy replies he was receiving.

Kaiba shifted his eyes and narrowed them towards his bedroom door which was cracked open slightly. He said, loudly, "No. And he'd better not give me any 'surprise', or there'll be cut allowances!"

* * *

Outside Kaiba's bedroom door, Mokuba sighed and walked away; dragging behind him the scary Halloween mask that he'd planned to surprise his big brother with.

"He catches me every year…!"

* * *

"Yugi, I'm serious, I want to go back to sleep, so go away." With that, Kaiba hung up the phone, placing it back down on the cradle. He shook his head slightly, and plopped back down on the pillows. He lay there for about five minutes, starring up at the ceiling and counting dollar bills to try to fall to sleep before-

_Ring Ring Ring…_

"… That had better not be Yugi!" He half groaned, half growled to no one in particular and, with one hand, felt around for the phone on the nightstand. He turned on his stomach, supporting himself with his elbows. "Who is it?"

"Happy birthday!"

"…"

Ryou smiled into the phone, twirling the cord around his index finger, "I just wanted to call you on your special day because… well, on my birthday, you were so kind as to send me a present! I just had to return the favor!"

"I did what? No, wait, Ryou… _I_ didn't send you a present. You ordered something from the Kaiba Corp catalogue."

"And it was a beautiful figurine!" He said, happily, "Thank you!"

Kaiba groaned, "No, Ryou, _I_ didn't send it. It was not from me. _You_… ordered it… from the _company_… catalogue. _Not_ my doing."

Suddenly, Kaiba quirked an eyebrow at the phone and at the small, delicate sobs that it was emitting. He blinked, "Ryou?"

"I-I'm sorry, it's just…" He wiped at his eye with a tissue, "No one's… ever been so nice to me… Seto Kaiba, thank you… f-from the bottom of my heart and one day, I'll return the favor!"

"No, don't-"

But the line went dead.

Kaiba looked at the phone for a second before sadly shaking his head and setting it back down. He sighed, turning over in his bed and sneaking glances at the Blue Eyes phone, glaring at it, as if daring it to ring again and disturb him. When it didn't, he sighed rather contently and happily which was something he rarely did.

"Peace… I never thought I'd hear sile-"

_Ring Ring Ring…_

"DIE!"

Kaiba pounced onto the nightstand and the phone with full force, causing it all to knock down onto the floor. The CEO's foot was still tangled in the bed sheets and the rest of his body was on the blueberry-colored carpet as he looked up at the ceiling then to the still-ringing phone to the left of his head. He calmly picked it up.

"Hello?"

"A merry celebration of the day on which you were born, Seto Kaiba."

"… Hello, Ishizu."

Her voice was a steady, low stream that annoyed the teen to no end. Like phone operators. "I have called to warn you of the great danger that lies ahead. This year will be full of many strange happenings, signs that will lead you straight to your roots-"

"Ishizu?"

"… Um… Yes?"

"Get to the point."

Though she felt like pouting, she maintained her dignity and continued, "I have seen your future, Seto Kaiba and I know that this year you will battle great forces and lose. I have seen that you will become deathly ill and lose your stunning good looks. It is also foretold that your hairdryer will stop working."

Kaiba blinked, "What? Really, my hairdryer?"

"Yes."

"… What else?"

"In one month's time, you will float to the moon and discover a new race of Pig People."

"… You're high again, aren't you?"

"Yes. Yes, I am." Her voice lowered, "Don't tell my brother. I can't go home until this wears off and so I'm stuck here on Whore St. and people are driving by in cars, asking for 'tricks'. I do not know these 'tricks' of which they speak and I'm afraid. Please send money for a taxi!"

"… No…" He hung up the phone and sighed. Whatever that woman did on her own time was none of his concern. All he wanted was some sleep, some rest. Was that really too much to ask? Kaiba lifted his head and looked across the room at the calendar. Damned calendar, with its birthdays and holidays, and expecting everyone to celebrate! This brought something else to Kaiba's attention. Why did everyone know his birth date?

"… They're stalking me." He concluded. "I know they are."

Looking back at the phone, he waited for it to ring. He knew there had to be someone else who would see fit to ruin his alone time. There had to be. 'Ring.' He thought silently, 'Do it, come on.'

When it did nothing, Kaiba's blue eyes grew red with fury. He got up on his knees and grabbed the whole phone, shaking it relentlessly, "RING! I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO, SO RING! BOTHER ME! DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!"

"Um… maybe this is a bad time?"

Kaiba looked back at the doorway that his brother's masked face was peeking out of. Mokuba shook his head slightly at the sight of his brother's half naked form on the floor, wrapped in sheets and screaming 'Do it,' at the phone. He walked away, "Get some sleep, Seto."

Kaiba sighed.

_Ring Ring Ring…_

Groaning, he picked it up, "… What?"

"Happy birthday, Kaiba-boy…" Came a seductive voice from the other end of the line. Kaiba was about to hang up the phone, but halted when the voice continued, "Do you know who this is?"

"Pegasus, if you don't get off this line, I will- Wait. How'd you get this number?"

"I kidnapped that cutie-pie, Mokuba, and tortured him until he told me."

"…!"

"Oh, lighten up." Pegasus laughed, "I was just playing. So, you're eighteen today, right? That means you're free game for my age group, y'know… So, why don't you come over? We can celebrate."

"No! Pegasus, leave me alone, I don't-"

"Don't you want to know what your present is?"

"… Huh? Present…? I-I don't want a present! Not from you!" As Kaiba was finishing telling Pegasus off, he heard a small beeping sound coming from the phone. He blinked, "Um, hold on, Pegasus, I have another call…"

"Alright, honeybunch."

"…" Kaiba decided to let that go and switched the lines, "Now who is _this_?"

"Hey, there, Rich-boy."

Kaiba blinked, unbelievingly, "Wheeler? W-Why are you calling me? It's early! I've been working all night long! I want to go to sleep!"

"Eh, don't get your thong in a bunch, Kaiba. I just called to tell ya happy birthday and to ask for fifty dollars."

"… No."

"Why not? It's a birthday, you've gotta give me a present!"

"It's _my_ birthday. _I_ don't give presents, _you_ do! But I don't want one from you." He said bitterly, "The only thing you could possibly give me is some kind of used chew toy."

"That ain't nice! Some Birthday Boy you are. You know what? Just for that comment, I'm not gonna let you give me fifty dollars like I was planning. Sucks for you."

"I…!" Kaiba frowned and stood up from the floor and the bundles of sheets. He pushed the receiver away from his ear and looked at it, anger building as he shouted, "Listen! Joey, Pegasus, Ishizu, Ryou and Yugi and whoever else plans on annoying me today! You're all a bunch of loonies! Don't call me! Ever again! I don't care if it's my birthday, or Christmas or Easter or even Martin Luther King Day! I don't like any one of you, so leave me be!"

As he took in a few deep, ragged breaths, Mokuba came happily skipping into his room, over to his Big Ships of the Navy Calendar and smiled shyly. "Hey, Seto! Look! You made the same mistake as me. We forgot to cross out last Friday because of the long weekend. So, it's really the 24th. You're birthday's tomorrow."

"…"

"Oh, really?" Came Yugi's voice from the receiver.

Ishizu's came next, "It seems we made a mistake."

"Sorry 'bout this, Kaiba."

"But don't worry, Kaiba-boy, we'll call back tomorrow, bright and early!"

"Cheerio, Kaiba! Happy Almost Birthday!"

They all hung up and the line went dead. Mokuba had gone out of the room and Kaiba stood there, starring out into space, the receiver still in his hand.

"… Wow."

* * *

Her Sweetness: Reviews are lovely, aren't they? I sure do enjoy them. (HINT HINT) 


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